Love is a phrase that gets thrown around a lot. We use it to tell someone how we feel about them and to indicate we deeply enjoy an experience. We say that only love can heal, that all we need is love*, and we believe that certain kinds of love are more desirable or superior to others (say, valuing romantic …
I’ve been sitting in some tough places and reflecting on what it means to actually experience the messiness of life. It’s one thing to talk about feelings, to learn skills for managing and navigating feelings, and it’s another entirely to actually be in the thick of them – struggling not to capsize from the grief, the heartbreak, the sorrow, the …
I don’t know if it’s just me, but I’ve been finding it incredibly difficult to be creative and to show up lately. Taking care of myself seems harder than ever. Then again, I’ve never been very good at taking care of me, so maybe that’s not the best measure. That said, I’m finding so much inspiration and hope in people …
A few days ago, I had the opportunity to interview erotic film director Erika Lust. She makes some of the sexiest erotic films in the world (in my opinion), and she is also beautifully thoughtful and articulate about the role pornography plays in our experience of sexuality. I keep bumping up against this idea that we are all taught about …
You don’t need to be perfect to be lovable. So, please stop striving for perfection. Instead of denying the hurt and the failed expectations, instead of trying to seem like you have it all together, what if you let it all out and showed off the soft, vulnerable parts begging to be recognized? It’s not your fault that awful things happened to …
There are some things that I really don’t like talking about with my sweetheart. Things I feel deeply ashamed of or embarrassed by. Things that I think could be the final straw in him choosing something other than our marriage, and so I avoid them as long as I possibly can. It’s unhealthy, unhelpful, and creates distance between us But, …
Have you ever been in a relationship that started hot and heavy, and then as you settled into your routines as a couple it started to taper off and become something a little more mundane and lukewarm? Yeah. Me, too. That’s because most of us are never taught that desire takes constant, on-going attention in order to thrive. It’s like …
This is a vulnerable post for me. To be honest, the last thing I wanted to do today was write because it’s a high-feels day. But, then I thought, maybe that’s the perfect time to write. Maybe by letting my pain be a real, valid thing, someone else will feel seen. As easy as it is to tell myself I’m less worthy, …
How kind are you being to yourself? How kind are you being with the people that you love? The answer says an awful lot about your life, your needs, and what isn’t working. Why? Because as soon as kindness takes a hike, it’s time for massive change. Over and over again, this has proven to be true in my own life (and …
The day I realized 95% of my sexual distress, pain, and shame has been the result of other people telling me what my sexual experiences should look like and feel like, everything shifted. I can’t tell you how many hours (years?) I spent worrying about how my boobs looked or my tummy moved during sex instead of surrendering to the …