Sex is a social skill.
We are a culture that simultaneously hides sex and glorifies it. Sex is everywhere, and yet nowhere.
The same goes for love. From our earliest years, it's fairy tales and happy endings and blind faith in love without ever being given the tools or the skills to actually navigate the complexity that is another human being (or two, or more).
Porn. Movies. Television. Glossy magazines. Romance novels and sci-fi series. Music videos.
Without models of what healthy sexuality looks like, we are left observing the performance and marketing of it.
We are surrounded with edited, carefully crafted versions of sex that never actually show us how to look within for our answers so that we might EXPERIENCE sex on our own terms.
It's no wonder so many of us ask:
Why can't I orgasm?
Do I take too long to get turned on, to come?
Why doesn't my partner want sex as often as I do?
Why does THAT turn me on?
Am I big enough, thin enough, wet enough, sexy enough? Why is my body changing?
How often should I be having sex?
Am I normal? Am I broken? What is wrong with me?
Nothing is wrong with you. Everything is wrong with what you've been told.
Sex (and love) are not about what's out there, outside of yourself. It's not about performing the scripts we've been sold about what we should be doing.
Sex is about you. It's about your body. Your pleasure. Your desires. Your needs. Your boundaries. It's about the connection you want to create with yourself (and possibly others).
Social skills start with knowing yourself. Just like sex.
Social skills are about communicating your experience with others and holding space for others to share their experience with you.
Social skills are about collaboration, co-creation, and communication from a place of curiosity.
Sex is a social skill.
Developing those skills that can help you understand yourself and to connect with others is what I do.
Here's how we can work together:
It's about you and me diving deep into your fears, your shame, those stuck places and finding a way to rewrite the stories that keep you trapped. And not having to do it alone.
Psst. Looking for professional coaching for your business or to grow your sex educator dreams? I do that, too.
Sometimes DIY is the way to go. From relationship charters to sex games that actually strengthen your relationship at a deeper level and online courses to help you learn the skills you're hungry for, check out some of my juicy offerings that can help you level-up.
This work isn't easy. But it's important. You're important.
You don't have to go it alone. You don't have to avoid the scary conversations.
You aren't the one who is broken.
But, you will have to ask yourself hard questions and you will have to let go of some stories and beliefs that you may have held on to for a very long time. I've had to do it, too. Over and over again.
What I've found on the other side, though, is self-acceptance, meaningful connection, and tremendous pleasure - on my terms.
Looking for other ways to learn and grow?
Every two weeks, I send a note full of resources that are inspiring me. Because like you, I'm swimming in the same soup of sex negativity, relationship myths, and harmful messages that keep us all down.
Let us grow together. In pleasure. In delight. In solidarity and curiosity.
I'd love to have you join me on this journey.