When was the last time you laughed in the middle of sex? Genuinely, honestly laughed?
Last week, my partner and I were deep in a rope bondage scene – my ankles were bound in rope cuffs, I was nearly immobilized, and things were intense and serious. Growls and gasps and grunts abounded. And then…something completely unexpected happened – one of our props popped off, causing a small, painful gasp out of him. Seconds later, it happened again.
He jumped up in shock and I looked at him, wide-eyed for a moment, and then it happened.
I tried to stop them, but one look at his face and it was all over.
Both naked, one of us (me) in a very exposed and compromising position, and him trying to walk off the sharp shock of pain. In seconds, we were both laughing uncontrollably. Every time I thought I had it under control, it would start again. Giggles, then belly laughs, and finally the tears.
Eventually, we got back to business and the intensity built again.
Nothing was ruined by the surprise turn of events. In fact, that moment is one of my favorite memories from that weekend because we were able to stay in the moment and appreciate it for what it was – FUNNY!
Sex has a tendency to be so serious and loaded and rife with expectation or guilt or fear. Fear that we aren’t good enough or skilled enough or sexy enough. But what keeping sex fun just meant lightening up a bit and laughing? Because when it comes right down to it – sex is pretty silly.
What scripts run through your head when you and your sweetie(s) are getting intimate?
Are you worried about how you’ll look? Are you concerned you aren’t going to enjoy it? Are you doing it out of some sense of obligation because you “should have sex x number of times per week/month/year”?
Talk about a libido killer.
All those “should” statements, all that self-talk keeping you swinging from past to future and back again. If there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that pleasure and desire hate being smothered by expectation, and they don’t live anywhere except the present moment.
For some people, sex is a very intense and serious act nearly all of the time. For others, it’s playful and light and silly. I like to take a middle-of-the-road approach – setting intentions but allowing space for the spontaneous.
Because when two (or more) naked bodies are brought together, you never know what might happen next.
Farts, queefs, burps, bodily fluids, slips, unexpected aches, phone calls, kids – things happen (I almost said shit happens, but that could be taken multiple ways and is best left for a discussion on anal play).
So, I challenge you to invite a little laughter into the bedroom.
Let’s stop taking ourselves so seriously, release the expectations, kill the “should” statements, and surrender to what might unfold. Like a random Charlie Horse that needs to be rubbed out, or a sudden tickle in your nose that leads to a dozen sneezes, or the doorbell ringing at the worst possible moment. Laughter doesn’t have to mean the sex is over. It just means you’re acknowledging the moment, and then you decide where to go from there.